The "Are You a Hack?" Quiz!

You must answer yes or no or pick one of the choices offered.

No maybes or I dunnos allowed.

As Winston Churchill said: We've already established you're a whore, we're just quibbling over price...

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THE "ARE YOU A HACK?" QUIZ

1. Is commercial success your goal?
   
2. Would you ever write a movie or TV novelization?
   
3. What's more important: Integrity or making a living as a writer?
   
4. Do you rewrite based on editor or agent suggestions even if you don't entirely agree with those suggestions?
   
5. Would you ever write an adaptation of a comic book or videogame?
   
6. Would you ever change the ending of your book in order to make a sale?
   
7. Would you write about something you didn't care about if you got a fat paycheck?
   
8. If forced to choose, would you rather have artistic integrity or fame and riches?
   
9. Would you rather be Dan Brown, author of The DaVinci Code, or Marilynne Robinson, winner of the 2005 Pulitzer Prize for Literature?
   
10. Would you rather be known as a genius by hundreds of people, or mediocre by millions of people?
    
11. Would you ever write for a character you didn't create?
    
12. What's more important: Getting the words right, or getting the words sold?
    
13. Would you write in a genre you don't enjoy for a lot of money?
    
14. Have you ever submitted something that you know isn't your best work in order to make a deadline?
    
15. What is more important: Fans or awards?
    
16. Would you rather have a bestseller that is critically panned, or a poor seller that is critically praised?
    
17. Would you ever ghost-write another author's series?
    
18. Did this quiz amuse you, or annoy you?
    
    

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ANSWERS

Webster defines a hack as: a writer who works on order; also : a writer who aims solely for commercial success.

To grade this test, check your answers with the key below, and keep track of how many times you scored as a "HACK" and how many times you scored as an "ARTIST."

1. Yes - HACK. No - ARTIST
2. Yes - HACK. No - ARTIST
3. Making a living - HACK. Integrity - ARTIST
4. Yes - HACK. No - ARTIST
5. Yes - HACK. No - ARTIST
6. Yes - HACK. No - ARTIST
7. Yes - HACK. No - ARTIST
8. Fame & riches - HACK. Integrity - ARTIST
9. Dan Brown - HACK. Marylinne Robineson - ARTIST
10. Medicore - HACK. Genius - ARTIST
11. Yes - HACK. No - ARTIST
12. Words sold - HACK. Words right - ARTIST
13. Yes - HACK. No - ARTIST
14. Yes - HACK. No - ARTIST
15. Fans - HACK. Awards - ARTIST
16. Critically panned bestseller - HACK. Critically acclaimed poor seller - ARTIST
17. Yes - HACK. No - ARTIST
18. Doesn't count.
    

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SCORING

• 0-1 HACK answers: you are an ARTIST whose integrity is solid.
• 2-3 HACK answers: you are an ARTIST who realizes that publishing is a business
• 4-5 HACK answers: you have some artistic integrity, but you'd rather make a living
• 6-14 HACK answers: you are a hack, but may have some integrity left
• 15-17 HACK answers: welcome to hacksville, population: you
  

Goals

Most people have goals, and writers are no exception.

Some writers aspire to find an agent, or land a book deal, or hit the NYT list, or win awards, or gain critical praise, or sell a gazillion copies, or several of the above.

Here's a goal that most writers forget:

Entertain your readers.

Strangely, that's the most important goal of all. If your work can give people pleasure, many of the other things mentioned above will fall into place.

I find it interesting that many writers seem disdainful of those who achieve the above goals. It's easy to pick apart the flaws of The DaVinci Code, or to criticize the last several of Patricia Cornwell's books. (Boy, is it easy.)

But the fact is, someone obviously enjoyed them, because they sold like crazy. Dan Brown and Patricia Cornwell are entertaining millions of readers.

So why the sour grapes?

I believe that every writer thinks that their way is the best way. I believe that every writer believes they have the answers, and the only reason they haven't reached their goals yet is because things have happened beyond their control. And I believe when writers see other writers becoming successful, winning awards, gaining fame, it pisses them off, because they feel they are better writers and more deserving.

Of course, this doesn't apply only to writers. This is human nature.

Instead of concentrating on all of that, writers need to focus on the one thing that they do have control over: Entertaining their readers.

Looking objectively at the situation, I'd have to say that Dan Brown entertains a lot more people than whoever won the Nobel, Booker, and Pulitzer combined. Perhaps Brown, with his cardboard stereotypical characters, contrived escapes, cliched structure, and formulaic endings, is who writers need to hold up as the ideal.

Because no matter what else you can say about Dan Brown's books, he's entertained a lot of people.

My advice: Be entertaining.

You might not win any awards. You might get crummy reviews. The literati will despise you, your peers will vilify you, and many folks will dedicate themselves to knocking you down.

But trust me---an email from Jane Average in Oregon who named her cat after your main character means more than any of the above accolades I've mentioned. Because that is a goal you did reach. You entertained somebody.

Write the best book you possibly can, then dedicate yourself to getting people to read it.

And maybe, if you're lucky, you can be as despised as Dan Brown.